Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Bisexuality, Polyamory, Fuzzy Logic & Slippery Slopes

Not everything that is alternative is good, acceptable, valuable, an improvement, progressive, worthy of emulation, worthy of adoption, noble, desirable and/or salubrious. Not only should female Bisexuality and Polyamory not be subsumed under the GLT BDSM rubric, they are more inimical to female Bisexuality and Polyamory than is heterosexual monogamy.
A general confusion is prevalent nowadays due to logical fuzziness. It goes like this: If I accept a lifestyle that is different than the way I live, I must accept any and all lifestyles that are different than the way I live.
What we used to call good old fashioned common sense has fallen by the wayside.
It is for this reason that I say, and reiterate, that as a Bisexual and Polyamorous woman, I refuse to allow anyone to push me down the GLT BDSM slippery slope.
Like heterosexuality, homosexuality is the blocking off of half of Humankind to be intimate with. How can I accept either heterosexuality or homosexuality as full and healthy expressions of Human sexuality?
Transsexuals are people who have serious physical defects, either congenital or assumed or both. We are required to be understanding and compassionate, but this does not require accepting transsexuals as normal or their sexuality on par with that of bisexuals who are not in possession of primary and secondary sexual characteristics of both sexes. Most certainly, they cannot influence the sexuality of the physically normal and healthy majority.
I simply cannot accept BDSM as normal forms of Human sexuality. If I reject bondage, domination, sadism and the acceptance of slavery in the political and socio-economic spheres, how can I accept them as healthy forms of the expression of love and intimacy? In my piece "Are BDSM and Anarchy Incongruous?" (See my POLYAMORY ISRAEL site, which is on the following URL: I demonstrated that BDSM is mimetic of societal perversions, characterized by bondage, domination, submission and the willingness to allow oneself to be enslaved. Therefore, anarchists, indeed all who maximize the conditions in society that allow us to express that which is sublime in our Humanity, are enjoined to go against the tide of "Political Correctness" and call those sexualities exactly what they are – destructive and self-destructive aberrations and perversions. I realize that I will alienate people with that statement, but I must speak what, at this juncture in my life, appears to me to be the truth.

A perfect example of pushing people down the slippery slope occurred at the movie awards this year. "Brokeback Mountain" was lauded for how it handled the subject matter it portrayed, the love of two men, including the sexual expression their love took on. So, the movie Transamerica hitches a ride too. Can no one see the difference between two men loving one another and someone who wishes to have his genitals surgically removed and turned into what looks like woman on the outside? Our ability to discern critical differences between and among situations is being systematically destroyed by bombarding us with the increasingly weird. Of course, it is increasingly forbidden to call the weird weird.Being open-minded is one thing. Having our brains spilling all over the floor because we are being bashed over the head with the demand that we accept everything as morally equal, of equal import, of equal contribution to our well-being is quite another matter.As a woman who is Bisexual and Polyamorous, this issue is near and dear to my heart and I feel it is essential to clarify the confusions. Being BiPoly requires a lot of common sense to be done wisely and well. It can, and has been, easily be sullied. Being BiPoly, I am expected to accept the entire GLT BDSM gamut. Bisexuality, as we have said, is usually subsumed thus: GLBT, that is, under all that which is not heterosexual. Gay men, lesbians, transsexuals of all types and people in the BDSM subculture are all surprised and very hurt that I don't lend my support to them, don't call myself "queer" along with them, do not wish to be associated with them and think that they, along with the monogamous heterosexuals are all living a partial, compromised sexuality at best, a revolting perversion at worst.

Not only do I not want to be associated with the GLT BDSMers, they are even more inimical to what I am trying to do than are the heterosexual monogamists.

I recently received an e-mail from a man who likes to be tied up and dominated telling me that I'm "hypocritical". It is one of many similar responses to my writing that I have received from people who define themselves as G, L,T, B,D,S and/or M. I have routinely been labeled "arrogant", "illogical", and "narrow-minded" as well.

If I were to endorse those lifestyles as being on a par with Bisexuality I would, without further investigation into my character or testing of my acumen, be congratulated by those same people for my egalitarian open-mindedness, incisive logic and consistency. In other words, their compliments are as baseless as are their insults and neither are of any concern to me whatsoever. It is astounding that the employment of less than ten highly emotionally-charged buzz words can bring most people into line.

Sometimes, in the case of extreme miscreants double, triple and even quadruple "whammies" are delivered in order to fell an independent thinker. "You're "illogical" (thus undermining the person's faith in his or her to think), "arrogant" (thus isolated) and a "hypocrite" (this insult says not only that one is morally reprehensible, but also reinforces the befuddled message that "illogical" broadcast). This triple shot is usual lethal. If not, the moniker "troll" may be added to the cocktail.

The next step is to feign uproarious laughter at the person. The jokes employ sarcasm, and they verily fall over one another trying to outdo one another in "cleverly sarcastic" ridicule. Most people do not like to be ridiculed and find it humiliating enough to capitulate and modify their stance.

Finally, the dissenter is labeled "insane". Most people are terribly afraid of being thought insane and this technique brings many into line. I, for one, have no reservations about being called "insane" by people who enjoy any of the activities listed on the following site: I am particularly amused by the irony of people who enjoy being strapped into straight jackets calling me "insane" when I call their practices what they are. Those who enjoy penis and testicle torture (receiving or giving) run a close second in making themselves absolutely ridiculous calling someone else's sanity into question. The ugly list goes on.

Frustration and dread are aroused in those who think formulaically and in accordance with any given school of those if someone does not surrender or capitulate after all these methods of behavior control are tried. If after these methods are employed the person still persists in voicing his or her opinions, the general consensus is that they are not dealing with a normal Human being and so need not take the thoughts of the non-Human species into account at all.

I am not one of those who can be daunted by social pressure. I am impervious to social pressure and will continue to write the truth as I see it.

I'm not hypocritical at all. I have the courage to tell it like it is and not get pushed down the slippery slope of accepting every alternative lifestyle because I live a sexual lifestyle that is not (yet) the norm.

I am profoundly dismayed that the bizarre, degenerate, depraved and perverse are becoming the mainstream and heaven help you if you employ those terms to describe the phenomena. You will be called a "neo-Con" (by those who think that neo-Con is the American equivalent of neo-Nazi and every conservative or Republican is a neo-Con) and/or a "religious fanatic", or "fundie".

Compare the number of times you have heard the following terms and phrases during the last month: "arrogant", "illogical" (for those who are clearly more intelligent than the average, otherwise "stupid" is used), "narrow-minded", "neo-Con", "religious fanatic" with the number of times you have heard the following terms employed: "modest", "humble", "wise", "self-effacing", "common sense".
I wrote the following to a man who wrote me that he enjoys being a "sub":

Wanting to be beaten, electrocuted, fettered, pierced, humiliated, tied up and otherwise have someone in power over you or hurt you is aberrant in the extreme and the result of having been exposed repeatedly to violence. It is in no wise normal. It perpetuates violence in society and confuses violence with love and intimacy in one's close relationships. In other words, it is a sexual perversion the provenance of which is societal perversion. BiPoly, in contradistinction, is the most salubrious sexual expression. It is the natural state. It can bring about only emancipation and good, not harm either in one's personal life or in the societal sphere.

There has to be a more biologically and socially responsible, more life-furthering and generally loving reason to adopt a sexuality than "I enjoy". "I enjoy" is a reason to choose one flavor of jelly bean over another. It is not a reason to adopt a sexuality. The topic here is sex - the most intimate expression of Human beings and that which allows the unfolding of the generation, not frivolities that may be engaged in or not depending solely upon whether one enjoys it or not.

Let us take eating as an example. I enjoy chocolate pudding, sour cream and potato chips much more than I do salad. What would become of me if I ate chocolate pudding, sour cream and potato chips because I enjoy them? I would rapidly fall into a pathological state, be a miserable Human being and be useless to others.

BiPoly, in allowing for a greater expression of genuine love and mutual responsibility serves the unfolding of the generations and Human society, as well as personal well-being. It is also clear how GLT BDSM do not at all and that monogamous heterosexuality brings it about only very partially and imperfectly.

Let my position be abundantly clear. I do not consider heterosexual monogamy, being homosexual (male or female) and most certainly not transsexual as being on par with being Bisexual and Polyamorous. None of the above-named sexualities can offer Humanity what Bisexual Polyamory can. As far as the BDSMers, I consider them with compassion, having been severely damaged by the pervasive violence in society. Recently I saw and advertisement by a Dom looking for a sub who agrees to be chained to his bed at night and to the wall during the day. The chain, he assures the applicant, will be long enough for her to do his housecleaning, but not to escape if she changes her mind later. Another advertisement comes from yet another Dom looking for a sub from the ages of 18-35 with lovely feet. He wants to bite her toe off. Of course, there are ads that issue from subs for Masters. One such advertisement reads: "I am a 23 submissive slut looking for a Master. I will do absolutely anything you demand and I love being used and abused." Subs are often referred to as slave/sluts. All of their protestations that outsiders do not understand them and that they are doing the quite normal and harmless need not be taken seriously at all. These most certainly cannot be considered a normal Human sexual model and no revisions of our thought about Bisexuality and Polyamory should employ them as examples or models of what is healthy for the mainstream or representative in any way. Though they claim to be part of the "Polyamory community", their practices constitute a pathetically degraded ersatz Polyamory and it would be wise to disavow them entirely as we go about our business of finding expressions of BiPoly that are fit for normal, healthy Human beings.

Doreen Ellen Bell-Dotan, Tzfat, Israel

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